Mind of an insecure adult

(Don’t read it if you are the person who cries if your crush ignores you, grow up first pussy!)

Sometimes we dislike ourselves have self confidence issues struggle with ourselves it’s due to the fact that we’re trying to become the person who we think we are or want to be but right now we’re not that person yet, and we also might be in the process of becoming the person we always wanted to be. So the trick is just hold on, struggle for a little while longer, keep pushing, don’t ever stop, and soon enough you’ll love yourself again. 

We feel like we want to change things about us because of our experiences. It’s possible that when we were young we were so satisfied with ourselves but as we move forward in life we notice things in other people that we want and we feel an urge to change, so we try to surround ourselves with such people but often find ourselves not fitting in and then we start having these self conscious issues and start caring way too much about what these people might think about us. We often find ourselves having an identity crysis, a period of uncertainty and confusion in which a person's sense of identity becomes insecure, typically due to a change in their expected aims or role in society. So basically when you start expecting too much from yourself this happens. You can’t escape this, you’ll have to get out of it someday and only you yourself can find your way out of it, other people can only tell you what might work but they can’t get you out of this, that’s on you. Otherwise your life will be a living disaster. 

Escapism can only take you so far. You can walk around unbothered, acting like you don’t give a fuck, smoke weed, do drugs, drink but that’s just temporary and you know it. Sooner or later you’ll find yourself falling into the same hole of never ending self doubt and impossible self expectations, which might even trigger a depression if it’s not dealt with in time. We will cling to toxic people just for momentary affection or use substances to make us forget how deep shit we’re in for a day or two. Escapism is rather destrutive than constructive in the long run. 

Being vulnerable helps so you also surround yourself with people who you feel comfortable around. Our bonds with these people are often emotional and as long as each person’s emotional needs are met, such bonds remain strong. However, with time if one starts to expect more than what the other can provide, these bonds start to shake. This creates tension and anxiety between the two. The bond gradually starts to become toxic for both of them.

There’s also this decision you have to make about who you want to be vulnerable with. Often people look at relationships as an answer. If you get vulnerable with a person who may not be right for you, and of course you haven’t realized that yet, you end up hurting yourself and it feels like it’s all your fault, sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s them, and often times it’s both. Wow! Now you have to deal with trust issues too, and it gets worse. You are now so insecure that you want to make sure you choose the right person this time, you’re so consumed by the idea that you seem to look for perfection, an idea of an ideal person you have formed in your head and call it a TYPE. You communicate it as a TYPE that you have! You aren’t ready to settle for anything less. We keep looking for the perfect person that is our TYPE and often times wait way too long for them to come into our lives, and we keep hurting. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling. It’s better to explore when we feel this way, rather than shutting ourselves off or avoiding people. As long as they feel good being around you and you feel the same I believe you should give it a try. Exploring each other’s private spaces a bit to see how it goes. If everything goes fine keep going further. If it isn’t good even in these initial stages then fuckin run! Chances are they are not right for you. The more vulnerable you get here the more hurt you will be in the end and this seemingly never ending cycle of low self esteem and trust issues will come back again and again and again.